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Light in the Darkness



A number of years ago my family and I endured a very rough patch in our life. Overwhelming responsibilities and family stress left my husband extremely ill and me trying to pick up the pieces.  Eventually, this necessitated resignation from his promising employment at a startup company and a cross-country move. We ended our lease, shipped or gave away most of our belongings and the rest were packed into our minivan and driven across the country.

Overnight, we had gone from being successful and accomplished with important roles in our church and our community to being homeless, living with family until we could somehow regroup and get our feet underneath us.  These were dark times and I am ashamed to say that many tears were shed.

How did we get through it?  Well it wasn’t pretty nor was it graceful.  Although our faith in God sustained us, at times we wondered if he had abandoned us.  Here we had given everything we had to him. We were extremely faithful in our religion, had been serving relentlessly, and trying to work hard and to participate in family life.  Now we were attending counseling sessions, unemployed and living with family. Why us?

The first temptation when things get wrong is to point fingers.  We can point fingers at others, at God, or at ourselves. Unfortunately, there were times when I did a little of all three.  Sometimes I felt deep embarrassment and shame. My husband with two Master’s degrees took part-time work at an elementary school driving a food truck and cleaning up after lunches.

What had happened to our life?  Why had God abandoned us?

Although these thoughts coursed through my head, deep in my soul I knew that although I was very flawed and imperfect I still had a testimony of Jesus Christ as my Savior and of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ through Joseph Smith.  I continued to find solace in the scriptures. Attending church suddenly became embarrassing. Instead of being the leaders, we were the ones receiving the welfare visits. But we kept on going. I learned to develop a more personal relationship with God and our faith became like a strong rope in the darkness, keeping us moving forward when all seemed to be crashing in around us.

And as we kept pressing forward against monumental forces and bitter winds things began to change.  We started to realize that we needed to live where we were. We continued to study the scriptures, to have family scripture and prayer and to attend the temple.  We continued to believe.

From this experience I learned that we have to let go of the past and live where we are. We signed the children up for swimming lessons, did things we enjoyed and tried to exercise.  We kept doing chores, making meals and even going on dates. And we tried to make this a happy time for the children with birthday celebrations and lots of time together.

Eventually, but not overnight, our faith paid off.  My husband started interviewing for jobs. I will never forget the day we received an envelope with a job offer from a wonderful company where we would spend the next happy years of our lives.

When hard times hit, don’t give up!  Don’t abandon yourself to despair or inertia.  As you keep trying, hold to or return to time-tested practices of faith and have patience with yourself and your shortcomings, things will work out.

My husband and I love the talk by Jeffrey R. Holland, “Good Things to Come.”  Our life is now in a good place. We have been blessed with seven wonderful children, a home, and a life near good family and friends.  Things are so much better now than they were before and we recognize that God had a future for us that was so much better than our past.  Although hard times will come again and have come again for us, experiences teach us that as if we keep on trying our practices of faith can be like a strong rope, keeping us from sinking into a pit of despair, worry and loss.  How grateful we continue to be for the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ!

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