Skip to main content

Reclaimed

 


The other night I was awakened by an awful feeling of sadness at an opportunity that I had missed through my own mistakes.  My soul ached as I opened my Book of Mormon to 4 Nephi 1:9 and read the words ``there were many cities which had been sunk…and these cities could not be renewed.”  The Lord seemed to be telling me that the opportunity was gone.  “No, please give me another chance.”  But I felt that it was now too late.  I prayed to the Lord with a spirit of sadness.  “What can I do now?”  And the words seemed to come: “Forgive yourself.”


I have yelled at my children.  Made cutting remarks to loved ones.  I have offended family members who have still not forgiven me (almost twenty years later).  I have lost money.  I have broken things.  I have gotten in car accidents.  But I think that the mistakes that hurt the most are the ones where I disappointed God.  Where he was counting on me to do something or to not do something and I let him down.  Those ones really hurt.  Because you never know what might have been.  And imagining what might have been and berating yourself over missed opportunities can be the worst torment ever.


But as I was in the middle of this prayer for some reason my mind became riveted on Jesus Christ.  And I realized that no matter how low I sunk, no matter how badly I did, I could try again and I could do better.  Because of the price He paid for me I could forgive myself.  I felt sudden and immense gratitude to my Savior Jesus Christ for second chances.  Not the same chances but second chances to have a good life, to be an instrument for him, to build something beautiful.


I am thinking of Hunter*, a man I knew when I was growing up in Portland, Oregon. Hunter had played football for the University of Utah and became an alcoholic. He eventually rode with a Harley gang and abused various substances. He was on a path to destroying his life. Somehow, he experienced a change of heart and decided that he no longer wanted to continue his self-destructive behavior. He joined Alcoholics Anonymous and began the process of change. When I knew him he was still a pretty tough Harley rider with a big beard but a very kind heart. A number of years ago I returned to the place where I grew up. A red-haired man, sharp looking with a youthful, kind face came up to me and started to talk to me as if we had known each other a long time. He was in the bishopric of my old ward. I didn't know who he was. As he walked away from me I suddenly realized that this was my old acquaintance, Hunter. He was a completely changed person. So changed that I no longer recognized him.


I love this quote by Jeffrey R. Holland:  “However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”


So, start over.  Try again.  Your story can still have a happy ending.  Forgive yourself.


* Name has been changed
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Do One Very Hard Thing Every Day

  A few weeks ago I woke up with some words in my head, words that I felt strongly that I needed to share with my children: "Do one very hard thing every day." I have been following this challenge myself for the last few days.  Some of my hard things may not be hard for other people but they are hard for me.  My daily challenges are aimed at helping me conquer my fear of heights, my dislike for throwing parties, and my fear of accident and injury.  Also my avoidance of talking to certain people or of doing certain things because I don't want to appear foolish.  Now I'm not suggesting that these things endanger life or limb, but I am suggesting that we stretch ourselves a little bit. Do we welcome growth?  Do we welcome opportunities for change?  Do we want our children to learn to do very hard things?  Are we proud of them when they overcome? It can be an exhilarating feeling to overcome challenges and to conquer new frontiers.  A few years a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Putting Things Into Perspective

  This past week I found myself signed up for too much.  My little red wagon of energy was trying to do an SUV worth of work.  I was exhausted.  Thursday night I had a rough night as multiple deadlines approached and I found myself frantically trying to get everything done.  I was suffering from sleep deprivation and headaches and I kept asking “How did I get myself into this mess.” Enter prayer.  Friday morning the family prayed for me at our family prayer, asking God that some things might be taken off my plate.  As if by magic, some commitments that I made started being taken off my plate - a playdate was cancelled, a son magically cleaned the house while we were on a date, my husband made dinner because the Internet went out and he was working from home, he also did the grocery shopping because he had extra time when taking a son to his cross country meet.  This gave me energy to work on some projects that I should not have signed up for in th...
Post a Comment
Read more

How to Make Misfortune a Sweeter Experience

  All of us have had the experience of traveling down the highway of life only to have an orange detour sign send us down a completely unwelcome and unanticipated road.  The loss of a job.  Sudden health challenges.  Financial reverses.  Accident.  Family upheaval.  These experiences can leave us wondering what we did wrong. We have experienced almost every one of the above misfortunes and we have found that one simple thing makes all of these lemony experiences a little sweeter.  Gratitude. This is not just passively sitting and counting your blessings - although this never hurts. It’s not even thanking others for all they have done for you (also a good idea).   I am talking about active gratitude whereby you take stock of your circumstances and see a world full of possibilities instead of darkness.  You see a new world of things to do, people to help, and burdens to lift.  Where one door closes.  Another opens.  Thi...
Post a Comment
Read more